I have all sort of things planned for this month. Most importantly is getting awareness out there. So let's begin with some facts shall we?
1 in 8 women will be diagnosed with breast cancer
Ever 8 minutes a women is told she has breast cancer
Ever 69 seconds someone dies from breast cancer
So look at those numbers if 8 women work with you one of you has a chance of having Breast Cancer. If you breathe for 8 minutes tomorrow you could be told you have Breast Cancer. If you walk out to your car and take a minute and 9 seconds a person has died from Breast Cancer.
Scary how when put in perspective those facts sound. I don't want to be one in eight. I don't want my eight minutes to pass. Instead I want to begin to fight now. Doyou want to wait for your 8 minutes (and maybe even 69 seconds to pass) or do you want to join me in the fight?
Beginning October 10th I will be hosting a SILENT ONLINE AUCTION right here. All sorts of good stuff has been donated. The auction will run from the 10th until the 24th. Instructions will be posted on how to bid. It is not to late to donate, and there is still a need for more items. We did have an early entry and Bidding Item. I want to thank Jennifer Beagles for auction a date with herself off...so far the high bidder is $500 (this is HUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGE).
Also please think about signing up for a walk to help end breast cancer. There are many out there and each one helps to find a cure.
Finally, keep reading my blog I plan to have lots of facts this month.
So as I always say Feel them, love them, get to know them. They are your boobs and only you can protect them!!!!!!
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
April 19, 2004
On April 19, 2004 I drove from St. Peters , MO to Mercy Hospital in Oklahoma City Oklahoma
When I walked in that hospital I wasn't sure what I would see. I just knew my life would never be the same. I was right. I remember going up in the elevator and saying a silent prayer. I was praying she didn't look as bad as I thought she would. I was praying for a miracle. Hoping when I walked in that room she would wake up and recognize me. I wanted to walk in that room and things to be the way they were. I wanted my mommy to be sitting up and talking in those silly voices she always talked in. I wanted her to tell me not to cry, and that she had this disease beat.
However, none of those things happened. Instead when I walked in the room I saw the shell of a woman who used to take on the world. She looked so little. Her face looked so sunken in and because of the cancer taking over her liver her skin was yellow also. A few days before her last chemo she had chosen to have her hair buzzed off, so that was missing also. She knew nothing going on around her. She occasionally mumbled about playing cards and things from her childhood. She was almost child like.
My dad was there, and he knew the end was close. I can't remember if my sister was there, but I know she had been there every minute she could be. My mom was the world to all three of us. She really was such a special amazing person. She touched the lives of many.
My dad eventually left. I remember watching Oprah and trying to talk to my mom. I remember telling her how much I loved her, and even if here on earth or up in heaven she would always be my mommy. I remember telling her it was O.K. to let go. I told her she had fought for such a long time, and if she was tired it was O.K. to go. Heather and I would take care of dad and Speck. We would even get along (LOL). I prayed with her for a while and around 5:30 I went downstairs to get something to eat.
When I came upstairs she was cussing in Italian and complaining about her legs hurting. She was crying, and even screaming they hurt so bad. I had to make a descion. See, my mother never wanted to take meds, but watching her in pain like that I made a choice it took a long time for me to forgive. I asked them to administer pain meds. They gave her morphine.
I rubbed her legs and listen to her talk. She was talking to Grandma Josie (who is in heaven), and for the first time since I had gotten there she was making some sense. She kept saying "I'm coming Josie". I kept telling her how much I loved her, and continued to pray for her.
The pain must have returned because the screaming came back. I spoke to the doctor and at that point we decided her comfort is what mattered. They administered more medicine in hopes of keeping her comfortable. I just wanted the screaming to stop. I wanted my mom to be pain free. She had fought long enough. It was time to accept God's will whatever that might be.
For the next few hours I just held her hand, she had the softest skin. I wanted to remember everything about her. I rubbed her cheecks and felt her soft baby fine hair. Her lips were so dry, and she would have hated that her lipstick was missing (LOL), but I remember just kissing her over and over.
Around 9:00 I caught myself falling asleep. I knew I was tired, but I also knew this might be the last few hours I ever had with my mommy. See, even though she wasn't "there" she was there. I could talk to her and say things to her I always wanted her to know. I dozed off (and regretted that for a long time too) and awoke around 11:00. I was still holding her hand. I remember again telling her it was O.K. to go. I told her that we all loved her so much. Again trying to re assure her that daddy and speck would be taken care of.
A little after midnight I noticed her breathing had changed a bit. I wasn't sure what was happening but I began to pray. I prayed so hard and was so torn. Of course I wanted my mommy to stay alive, but I wanted her to be my mommy. Not this shell of her that laid in this hospital bed. I wanted the mommy who promised to take my daughter to Disney, and was still wanting toLas Vegas
I saw my mommy take her last breathe. She just stopped breathing. It was that simple. There were no bells, sirens, or anyone shouting "Code Blue". I went out in the hall and through tears told the nurse I believed my mom had just passed away. The nurse came in and couldn't get a pulse. She stuck a mirror under her nose to check for any type of breathe. There was none. She went in the hall and brought in another nurse. They called it. My mommy had died.
I called my dad first. He said he would get there as soon as he could. I called my sister and we both just cried. She of course would drive dad there and would get there as soon as they could. After that I just sat with my mom. She looked at peace. I hoped and prayed she knew what an amazing person she was to me and so many others. I prayed she knew how sorry I was for all the times I was mean to her or said mean things to her. I was so sorry for all the things I never said, and all the time I spent away from her.
I didn't see it then, but I see it now. My mother on that day gave me an amazing gift. She ALLOWED me to be there with her when she passed. I was able to hold her hand, pray with her, and tell her it was O.K. to go on. I was able to see the full circle of life that day. She watched me take my first breath and I saw her take her last. I am so thankful and grateful for that.
On April 20, 2004 the world lost a great person. Some called her Mary, Marybeth, and even MaryB. I called her mommy and to me that is what she will always be.
When I walked in that hospital I wasn't sure what I would see. I just knew my life would never be the same. I was right. I remember going up in the elevator and saying a silent prayer. I was praying she didn't look as bad as I thought she would. I was praying for a miracle. Hoping when I walked in that room she would wake up and recognize me. I wanted to walk in that room and things to be the way they were. I wanted my mommy to be sitting up and talking in those silly voices she always talked in. I wanted her to tell me not to cry, and that she had this disease beat.
However, none of those things happened. Instead when I walked in the room I saw the shell of a woman who used to take on the world. She looked so little. Her face looked so sunken in and because of the cancer taking over her liver her skin was yellow also. A few days before her last chemo she had chosen to have her hair buzzed off, so that was missing also. She knew nothing going on around her. She occasionally mumbled about playing cards and things from her childhood. She was almost child like.
My dad was there, and he knew the end was close. I can't remember if my sister was there, but I know she had been there every minute she could be. My mom was the world to all three of us. She really was such a special amazing person. She touched the lives of many.
My dad eventually left. I remember watching Oprah and trying to talk to my mom. I remember telling her how much I loved her, and even if here on earth or up in heaven she would always be my mommy. I remember telling her it was O.K. to let go. I told her she had fought for such a long time, and if she was tired it was O.K. to go. Heather and I would take care of dad and Speck. We would even get along (LOL). I prayed with her for a while and around 5:30 I went downstairs to get something to eat.
When I came upstairs she was cussing in Italian and complaining about her legs hurting. She was crying, and even screaming they hurt so bad. I had to make a descion. See, my mother never wanted to take meds, but watching her in pain like that I made a choice it took a long time for me to forgive. I asked them to administer pain meds. They gave her morphine.
I rubbed her legs and listen to her talk. She was talking to Grandma Josie (who is in heaven), and for the first time since I had gotten there she was making some sense. She kept saying "I'm coming Josie". I kept telling her how much I loved her, and continued to pray for her.
The pain must have returned because the screaming came back. I spoke to the doctor and at that point we decided her comfort is what mattered. They administered more medicine in hopes of keeping her comfortable. I just wanted the screaming to stop. I wanted my mom to be pain free. She had fought long enough. It was time to accept God's will whatever that might be.
For the next few hours I just held her hand, she had the softest skin. I wanted to remember everything about her. I rubbed her cheecks and felt her soft baby fine hair. Her lips were so dry, and she would have hated that her lipstick was missing (LOL), but I remember just kissing her over and over.
Around 9:00 I caught myself falling asleep. I knew I was tired, but I also knew this might be the last few hours I ever had with my mommy. See, even though she wasn't "there" she was there. I could talk to her and say things to her I always wanted her to know. I dozed off (and regretted that for a long time too) and awoke around 11:00. I was still holding her hand. I remember again telling her it was O.K. to go. I told her that we all loved her so much. Again trying to re assure her that daddy and speck would be taken care of.
A little after midnight I noticed her breathing had changed a bit. I wasn't sure what was happening but I began to pray. I prayed so hard and was so torn. Of course I wanted my mommy to stay alive, but I wanted her to be my mommy. Not this shell of her that laid in this hospital bed. I wanted the mommy who promised to take my daughter to Disney, and was still wanting to
I saw my mommy take her last breathe. She just stopped breathing. It was that simple. There were no bells, sirens, or anyone shouting "Code Blue". I went out in the hall and through tears told the nurse I believed my mom had just passed away. The nurse came in and couldn't get a pulse. She stuck a mirror under her nose to check for any type of breathe. There was none. She went in the hall and brought in another nurse. They called it. My mommy had died.
I called my dad first. He said he would get there as soon as he could. I called my sister and we both just cried. She of course would drive dad there and would get there as soon as they could. After that I just sat with my mom. She looked at peace. I hoped and prayed she knew what an amazing person she was to me and so many others. I prayed she knew how sorry I was for all the times I was mean to her or said mean things to her. I was so sorry for all the things I never said, and all the time I spent away from her.
I didn't see it then, but I see it now. My mother on that day gave me an amazing gift. She ALLOWED me to be there with her when she passed. I was able to hold her hand, pray with her, and tell her it was O.K. to go on. I was able to see the full circle of life that day. She watched me take my first breath and I saw her take her last. I am so thankful and grateful for that.
On April 20, 2004 the world lost a great person. Some called her Mary, Marybeth, and even MaryB. I called her mommy and to me that is what she will always be.
Monday, September 20, 2010
Are You Crazy?
I get asked that a lot and not for the reasons most of you think either...LOL! People always ask, you are going walk 60 miles over 3 days for what? Isn't there an easier way to raise awareness about breast cancer? Can't you just write a check? Are you Crazy?
To answer these burning questions:
1. I am walking to raise awareness about breast health and breast cancer. When I was 34 I found a small lump in my own breast. Even though my mother past away from breast cancer I had no clue what steps to take. I called My OB they said they felt nothing, but I could have a mammogram. I didn't want them to think I was crazy, but I knew I would never sleep if there was something there and I did nothing about it. We scheduled the mammogram and the results came back as abnormal they did an ultrasound and still coming back abnormal. I was referred to a wonderful breast surgeon to see what my options were. I went to see her and she was so very helpful. We did ANOTHER mammogram (yes my boobs were flat as a pancake by now...LOL), and saw a small mass. Unsure of what it was and knowing my family history we decided to do a core biopsy. Not the best feeling ever, but if I wanted to know it had to be done. Praise the Lord the results came back with everything being OK. However, at 36 years old every 6 months I get to visit the boob smoosher and make sure things are O.K. Before meeting the surgeon I had no idea about things that I could do to decrease my risks. How by losing weight, eating right, and cutting out certain foods could dramatically reduce my chances. Also before seeing her I had no clue how high my risks were of actually same day hearing the words...."You have cancer". So when asked why I walk it is a very Simple answer..."Because I can."
2. Depends on what you consider easy. Could I sit back and write a check? Sure if I had any extra money :). Could I walk in a walk with less distance? You bet, and I do. Could I just educate from speaking about it? Of course, and I try to at every chance I can. However, for me it is not about taking the easy route (never has been). I need to do something to challenge myself for every muscle that aches I remember those women AND MEN who have hurt for months and years from chemo and treatments. I remember those families that have felt the pain of losing a love one to this. I remember my mother so weak she could barely move saying let's try chemo one more time, this cancer won't take me. I think if they can function every day why can't I give up 3 MEASLY days and 60 Miles to someday find a cure?
3.Yes, my hands are very capable of writing checks (just ask my husband). However, I choose to get out there and physically make a difference. When I am dead and gone I want my 3 daughters to say my mom did all she could to end breast cancer. They know what this cause means to me, and see the dedication I put towards it. I believe it shows them when you take something on you do it full speed. Another plus by walking this much your body gets in shape. When I decided to do this I couldn't even walk a half mile. Now some days I do between 15 to 20 miles in ONE day!!!! I feel great and I know for each pound I lose and each healthy choice I make I am decreasing my chances.
4. Define crazy :). I prefer to call myself compassionate. This charity hits close to home for me. I like to believe I won't stop working for a cure until one is found. Could I walk in all 15 Three Days like some do? I don't think so, but as I learned a long time ago never say never.
So I hope that answers some questions I always hear. Stay tuned for tomorrow’s informative post about men and breast cancer...they get it too.
To answer these burning questions:
1. I am walking to raise awareness about breast health and breast cancer. When I was 34 I found a small lump in my own breast. Even though my mother past away from breast cancer I had no clue what steps to take. I called My OB they said they felt nothing, but I could have a mammogram. I didn't want them to think I was crazy, but I knew I would never sleep if there was something there and I did nothing about it. We scheduled the mammogram and the results came back as abnormal they did an ultrasound and still coming back abnormal. I was referred to a wonderful breast surgeon to see what my options were. I went to see her and she was so very helpful. We did ANOTHER mammogram (yes my boobs were flat as a pancake by now...LOL), and saw a small mass. Unsure of what it was and knowing my family history we decided to do a core biopsy. Not the best feeling ever, but if I wanted to know it had to be done. Praise the Lord the results came back with everything being OK. However, at 36 years old every 6 months I get to visit the boob smoosher and make sure things are O.K. Before meeting the surgeon I had no idea about things that I could do to decrease my risks. How by losing weight, eating right, and cutting out certain foods could dramatically reduce my chances. Also before seeing her I had no clue how high my risks were of actually same day hearing the words...."You have cancer". So when asked why I walk it is a very Simple answer..."Because I can."
2. Depends on what you consider easy. Could I sit back and write a check? Sure if I had any extra money :). Could I walk in a walk with less distance? You bet, and I do. Could I just educate from speaking about it? Of course, and I try to at every chance I can. However, for me it is not about taking the easy route (never has been). I need to do something to challenge myself for every muscle that aches I remember those women AND MEN who have hurt for months and years from chemo and treatments. I remember those families that have felt the pain of losing a love one to this. I remember my mother so weak she could barely move saying let's try chemo one more time, this cancer won't take me. I think if they can function every day why can't I give up 3 MEASLY days and 60 Miles to someday find a cure?
3.Yes, my hands are very capable of writing checks (just ask my husband). However, I choose to get out there and physically make a difference. When I am dead and gone I want my 3 daughters to say my mom did all she could to end breast cancer. They know what this cause means to me, and see the dedication I put towards it. I believe it shows them when you take something on you do it full speed. Another plus by walking this much your body gets in shape. When I decided to do this I couldn't even walk a half mile. Now some days I do between 15 to 20 miles in ONE day!!!! I feel great and I know for each pound I lose and each healthy choice I make I am decreasing my chances.
4. Define crazy :). I prefer to call myself compassionate. This charity hits close to home for me. I like to believe I won't stop working for a cure until one is found. Could I walk in all 15 Three Days like some do? I don't think so, but as I learned a long time ago never say never.
So I hope that answers some questions I always hear. Stay tuned for tomorrow’s informative post about men and breast cancer...they get it too.
Sunday, September 19, 2010
Hello Out There!!!!
I have decided to start this blog thing...again. I have tried many times and for some reason I never keep up with it. However, this time I will try to be different. I am going to try to write about a few different topics each week. I am sure you can tell by the title of this blog that a lot of them will revolve around my desire to find a cure for breast cancer.
So why is my desire so strong? To begin with I, myself, am a woman. One in eight women will be diagnosed with this disease. Another reason I have 3 beautiful daughters. Given our family history chances are good one of them could be diagnosed. However, my main reason is for my amazing, beautiful, and wonderful mother. She lost her battle with this ugly killer on April 20, 2004. She didnt go down without a fight, and it is with that same strength I take on this disease now.
So I walked in my first Susan G. Komen 5K in June of 2009. My dear friend and her beautiful daughter walked with me. She helped me a lot that day as it was the first time I had ever been surrounded by that many people all trying to take a stand against breast cancer. I remember the upbeat mood that was there. The feeling of hope and the belief that one day there will be a world without breast cancer.
In February of 2010 I decided to up my dedication to the cause a bit, and I signed up for the Susan G. Komen 3 Day inChicago
Fundraising was of course hard, and training was even harder, but in August of 2010 I took those first steps in the most amazing thing I have ever done. The first day didn't go as well as planned, but darn it I had trained, and I would finish. The second day was amazing and I even finished with a decent time. The third day by far was the hardest, but also the most rewarding. Walking into Solider Field with hundreds of people cheering you on is indescribable. Yes my feet, legs, and whole body hurt, but there was no way I wasn't going to cross that line.
In 2011 I will take the journey again. I have continued to train, and been working on fundraising. I got so much out of my first one I can't wait to see what I learn about myself in 2011.
So why is my desire so strong? To begin with I, myself, am a woman. One in eight women will be diagnosed with this disease. Another reason I have 3 beautiful daughters. Given our family history chances are good one of them could be diagnosed. However, my main reason is for my amazing, beautiful, and wonderful mother. She lost her battle with this ugly killer on April 20, 2004. She didnt go down without a fight, and it is with that same strength I take on this disease now.
So I walked in my first Susan G. Komen 5K in June of 2009. My dear friend and her beautiful daughter walked with me. She helped me a lot that day as it was the first time I had ever been surrounded by that many people all trying to take a stand against breast cancer. I remember the upbeat mood that was there. The feeling of hope and the belief that one day there will be a world without breast cancer.
In February of 2010 I decided to up my dedication to the cause a bit, and I signed up for the Susan G. Komen 3 Day in
Fundraising was of course hard, and training was even harder, but in August of 2010 I took those first steps in the most amazing thing I have ever done. The first day didn't go as well as planned, but darn it I had trained, and I would finish. The second day was amazing and I even finished with a decent time. The third day by far was the hardest, but also the most rewarding. Walking into Solider Field with hundreds of people cheering you on is indescribable. Yes my feet, legs, and whole body hurt, but there was no way I wasn't going to cross that line.
In 2011 I will take the journey again. I have continued to train, and been working on fundraising. I got so much out of my first one I can't wait to see what I learn about myself in 2011.
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